The Effective CIO

Sit Up! March 20, 2008

Whiling away four hours on a flight from Seattle to Dallas allows one to ruminate on many of life’s most pressing issues.  The one at the top of my list right now?  Reclining airline seats.

Why do they install these modern instruments of torture on aircraft?  With the available space on a aircraft already at an all-time low, giving people the ability to further intrude on my little piece of the plane only adds insult to injury.

No sooner has the plane left the ground, and the insensitive dolt in front of me reclines their seat to its fullest extension, leaving the seatback perhaps six inches from my nose.  The dropdown tray is rendered useless, since it now extends from the seatback at perhaps a 45-degree angle, making it impossible to open a laptop or even park a drink safely. (This is being written with my laptop shoved into my abdomen so that the screen can open enough to be visible while I type).

I am a committed opponent when the seatback gauntlet is thrown down.  When that seat starts moving, my knees go up, pressing against that seat for all I’m worth.  In some cases, the person in front of you will conclude that their seat is broken, and they’ll give up the fight.  Most of the time, they know what you are doing, and the battle lines are drawn.  They recline; I push back.  If you’re lucky, the retaining mechanism on the seat is worn, and constant pressure allows you to slowly push the seat back to its original position.  A skilled competitor can ease the seat forward unbeknownst to its occupant, especially if they are sleeping.

If they are sleeping.  Few people reclining in front of me will get to sleep.  When that seat goes back, my ability to avoid hitting it drops dramatically.  Need a magazine? Oops, I bumped into the seat.  Locking the tray back up?  I’ll need to really secure that latch.  Are you finally drifting off?  I’ll need my iPod out of my briefcase, which will require rummaging about under your seat for several minutes.  What with the tight quarters and all, I can hardly avoid bumping into the seat over and over as I get my bag out, open it, get my stuff out, close it, and put it back.  If I need to get out of my seat, I’ll probably need to hoist myself up using the back of yours for leverage.  The same is true when I sit back down.

On the other hand, I guarantee that, in the interest of mutual comfort, I will never touch your seat if you never recline it.  If you can somehow survive sitting upright for four hours, gritting your teeth through the pain, I’ll graciously avoid bothering you.  Push that recline button, however, and the gloves are coming off.

I once battled a woman seated in front of me on a flight to Rome for eight solid hours, ever vigilant, never allowing that seat to come back.  Oh, she tried.  The casual slow push.  The sudden recline.  The raised eyebrow glare over the seat back.  The combined huff while slamming her back into the seat.  Please.  I’ve seen all the moves.  Bring your A-game or don’t come at all.

Why do they even put reclining seats on planes?  Suck it up, people.  Sit upright for the whole flight. Good posture never hurt anyone.  Honestly, I’d pay extra to fly on a plane with no reclining seats.  I’d pay extra just to have a non-reclining seat in front of me.  Am I the only one breathing a sigh of relief when those sweet words ring out through the cabin?  “Please bring your seatbacks to their full, upright, and locked position.” Yes, indeed, please do.  And keep it that way.