Small Talk September 18, 2009Posted by Chuck Musciano in Networking.
Tags: Communication, Networking, Relationships, Small Talk
I love “small world” stories. I love wandering into an event and discovering that someone in the room went to my elementary school, or likes the same movies, or knows someone I know. I like that “who’d have thought?” moment when two people make a connection that they would have never thought possible just moments before.
Much is made these days of networking and how to use it to our advantage in our personal and professional lives. While a lot of focus is on the social networking tools like Facebook and Twitter, there is still a lot of value in face-to-face networking. It’s just that people seem to avoid it, and that lots of people seem to be bad at it. I think that’s a shame. With a little practice, everyone can get better at real networking.
The key is to master the art of small talk. Small talk, far from being as diminutive as its name suggests, is the real grease that makes networking flow. Through small talk, you can discover the serendipitous connections that will open the door to better, deeper network connections.
Good small talk is easy. A simple rule for starting a good “small” conversation is to avoid talking about the actual topic that has brought you together with other people. For example, if you are at an event addressing server virtualization, do not talk about any aspect of servers, virtualization, data centers, or even computing. This stuff is deadly dull even when you want to talk about it; the idea that you’re going to create a warm connection with someone over a meaningful conversation about virtual memory is ludicrous.
Instead, bring up topics that are likely to generate a connection with someone. Where do they live? Where are they from? Where did they go to school? Do they have kids? Hobbies? Seen any good movies? Back from vacation? Doing something interesting this weekend? Play golf? Like to run? There are dozens of simple questions that will get people talking about something that interests them. The idea is to learn about the other person, find some connections between you and them, and let those connections strengthen your shared knowledge and resulting relationship.
I’m often puzzled why people struggle with this kind of networking. I’ve seen so many people standing in awkward, uncomfortable silence at networking events, staring at their drinks and stuck for conversation. That’s foreign to me; anyone who knows me will tell you that I am never stuck for something to say.
Many people in IT are introverts (that’s what the “I” stands for) and have a hard time starting these kinds of conversations. They gravitate back to the safety of technology, which makes it hard to meet non-technical people. If you are one of these people, you may need to consciously focus on being better at this kind of engagement with people. That’s OK.
I once worked for someone who knew they were bad at this stuff and had to consciously prepare for events. When the event was over, they were exhausted by the effort. But they recognized the value of small talk and making connections, so they made the effort, improving over time.
Are you using small talk to build and enrich your network? Does it come easy, or do you have to work at it? Either way, small talk paves the way to big rewards in your network. So, seen any good movies lately?
Investing For Your Future August 24, 2009Posted by Chuck Musciano in Networking.
Tags: Giving, Networking, Relationships
It is happening all too frequently these days. I get a call or an email from a recruiter with the same story: a great person has lost their job and is looking for a new position. This person is a seasoned IT executive, a great asset, and has a long history of success. Would I know of any potential openings in the area? The recruiter is always kind enough to forward to a resume for my review.
Opening the resume, I note that this person has held a number of executive IT positions with local companies over the past several years. Yet I have never heard of them. How can this be? I work in the Research Triangle of North Carolina. We are crawling with technology companies and have one of the strongest local executive networks in the country. Nonetheless, looking at this resume, I am drawing a complete blank. Even after checking LinkedIn, I have no second- or third-level connections to this person.
In contrast, I also hear from folks who are very well-connected. They are in a similar tough position, but they have all sorts of resources to fall back on. They have built relationships that will help them as they seek a new position. More than anything else, they have great name recognition and a history of having done great work that is known in the community.
Those folks with no networks give me precious little to work with. As much as I want to, my ability to assist is limited because this person did not invest in the most important aspect of their long-term career: their network. As they moved up the ladder, racking up those successes, they didn’t take the time to become a part of the community. Now that trouble has arrived, they have no place to turn for help, advice, or a connection to a new job.
Why do people neglect their network? Time and again I have invited local CIOs to various networking events, only to be told that they “don’t have the time” or “don’t do those kinds of things.” I simply cannot understand this mentality.
Investing in your network is like investing in an savings account. You deposit a little at a time, over a long period of time. You accrue value that, in many cases, you hope you never need to use. But when you need it, it’s there, and it’s a lifesaver. Sometimes you draw from your network in little pieces: a question answered or an opinion confirmed. But occasionally you make a major withdrawal: career changes or economic upheaval.
But the real purpose of a network is not about how it helps you. The real purpose of a network is that it gives you the ability to help everyone else, all the time, in many ways. You meet interesting people. You learn from them. You get the privilege of helping them.
Let me be blunt: people who fail to build their networks are acting selfishly. They hurt themselves, certainly, but they also diminish everyone else. By choosing to not give a little to those around them now, they rob our community of their potential contributions. Networks succeed when everyone pitches in, just a little bit. All those little bits create a rich community of people sharing, helping, teaching, and learning. Who wouldn’t want to be a part of that?
Are you keeping your network active? Are you an active part of your community? Make a commitment to contribute to your community by networking. And may you never need to draw on the goodwill you’ll be creating.