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Too-Thin Mints February 9, 2008

Posted by Chuck Musciano in Random Musings.
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It is that time of year. Girl Scout Cookie time. That one time of year when the Thin Mints are so fresh, so fragrant, so irresistibly delicious.

But this year is different. This year, Thin Mints (and all the other Girl Scout Cookies) are trans-fat free. So they are presumably healthier and better for you. But, having just conducted my own personal taste test, they are not as good as the Thin Mints you have known and loved. They are a little less rich and a little more crumbly. They just aren’t as good, I’m afraid.

But, at the behest of some distant bureaucrat, the companies that make Thin Mints, with our best healthful interests at heart, have pulled out the wonderfully delicious trans-fats and replaced them with some other, lesser fats. Thin Mints may now be healthier, but they don’t taste as good, and we are all the worse off for that.

Let’s be honest: if your overall lifespan is affected by the number of Thin Mints you consume in your lifetime, you are eating way too many Thin Mints. And if you are eating that many Thin Mints, I’m guessing you may be overindulging in a lot of other high-risk foods, like cake, and fudge, and maybe even juicy, dripping, double chili-cheeseburgers. It’s not like someone spends their whole life suffering through a diet of tofu, bark, and organic lettuce and winds up dead from eating a sleeve or two of Thin Mints.

I also doubt that the initial assessment checklist in any Emergency Room includes an entry for total Thin Mints consumed to date. Has anyone ever seen someone lying on a gurney, fighting for their life, while their spouse sits beside them, bereft, twisting an empty Thin Mint box in their shaking hands? I didn’t think so.

The real issue here is freedom and self-determination. If I want to eat trans-fats (or not), that’s my choice. The Girl Scouts should be free to sell wonderful cookies drenched in trans-fats, and you can choose to buy them (or not). Even better, sell both kinds, and see which one prevails in the free market. Does anyone doubt which way that taste test would go? I’d pay extra for a box of Thin Mints with a big “Made With 100% Trans-Fat!” sticker emblazoned on the front.

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