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Too-Thin Mints February 9, 2008

Posted by Chuck Musciano in Random Musings.
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It is that time of year. Girl Scout Cookie time. That one time of year when the Thin Mints are so fresh, so fragrant, so irresistibly delicious.

But this year is different. This year, Thin Mints (and all the other Girl Scout Cookies) are trans-fat free. So they are presumably healthier and better for you. But, having just conducted my own personal taste test, they are not as good as the Thin Mints you have known and loved. They are a little less rich and a little more crumbly. They just aren’t as good, I’m afraid.

But, at the behest of some distant bureaucrat, the companies that make Thin Mints, with our best healthful interests at heart, have pulled out the wonderfully delicious trans-fats and replaced them with some other, lesser fats. Thin Mints may now be healthier, but they don’t taste as good, and we are all the worse off for that.

Let’s be honest: if your overall lifespan is affected by the number of Thin Mints you consume in your lifetime, you are eating way too many Thin Mints. And if you are eating that many Thin Mints, I’m guessing you may be overindulging in a lot of other high-risk foods, like cake, and fudge, and maybe even juicy, dripping, double chili-cheeseburgers. It’s not like someone spends their whole life suffering through a diet of tofu, bark, and organic lettuce and winds up dead from eating a sleeve or two of Thin Mints.

I also doubt that the initial assessment checklist in any Emergency Room includes an entry for total Thin Mints consumed to date. Has anyone ever seen someone lying on a gurney, fighting for their life, while their spouse sits beside them, bereft, twisting an empty Thin Mint box in their shaking hands? I didn’t think so.

The real issue here is freedom and self-determination. If I want to eat trans-fats (or not), that’s my choice. The Girl Scouts should be free to sell wonderful cookies drenched in trans-fats, and you can choose to buy them (or not). Even better, sell both kinds, and see which one prevails in the free market. Does anyone doubt which way that taste test would go? I’d pay extra for a box of Thin Mints with a big “Made With 100% Trans-Fat!” sticker emblazoned on the front.

“You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out!” February 5, 2008

Posted by Chuck Musciano in Random Musings.
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These words have become part of our vernacular in America, the adult response that crushes the hopes and dreams of every kid who ever hoped to own a Red Ryder BB gun.  They were made famous, of course, in the movie A Christmas Story, which has become an American holiday classic on a par with It’s A Wonderful Life and surpassing Miracle On 34th Street.

The movie is based on the works of Jean Shepherd, weaving together a number of his best short stories with his childhood quest for the BB gun at the heart of the film.  While millions have seen the film, far fewer have read his books on which it is based.  And that’s a real shame.

On a whim, I recently dusted off In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash and read it once again.  And once again, I sat and laughed out loud at stories that I have enjoyed over and over since I first read them when I was 12.  Jean Shepherd is perhaps the very best raconteur of the 20th century, with an ability to paint a picture with words that very few can match.  His depth of vocabulary, his turn of a phrase, his cynical yet sweet style are just perfect.  If you even remotely like the movie, by all means, buy and read his books.

In the 60s and 70s, Jean Shepherd had his own radio show on WOR out of New York.  Each year, he would travel down to Princeton for a live performance during graduation week.  My Dad and I would sit in a sweltering lecture hall packed with hundreds of other people and laugh until we cried.  His timing and language were just superb.  Everyone knew the stories, and knew how they would turn out.  He knew we knew.  And we still laughed until our sides hurt.

Many years later, while running the Unix data center for Harris Corporation, I began talking with Art Hayworth, one of the mainframe guys, about Jean Shepherd.  I was astounded to discover that Art’s mother had been a fourth grade teacher in Hammond, Indiana (which became the fictional Hohmann in the book and movie) and had taught both Shepherd and his little brother Randy!  Art had lived a few streets over from Cleveland Street, where Shepherd grew up.  The fact that it was all real (sort of) made the stories all the more delicious.

Beyond the pure enjoyment I get from his stories, Jean Shepherd reaffirms for me the power of the written word.  He wrote the stories in In God We Trust in the early ’60s.  They describe his childhood during the Depression, but as I read them 45 years later, they evoke an image as real and compelling as the day he wrote them, or even when he actually lived them, 70 years ago.  The movie, as good as it is, cannot come close to creating such an experience.

As we become immersed in broadband imagery, I fear we are letting go of words, with the best efforts of bloggers notwithstanding.  At every level, success requires communication, and communication requires words.  If you want to get really good at words, write them.  Lots of them.  And read lots of them, too.  Starting with Jean Shepherd.

In The Beginning… January 24, 2008

Posted by Chuck Musciano in Random Musings, Technology.
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For me, my computing career started in the fall of 1975. Up to that point, my natural affinity for math and science seemed to be leading to the glamorous world of nuclear physics. Who wouldn’t want to spend their days building bombs and reactors? It was hard to imagine anything more exotic or enticing.

Then I saw it. Tucked in the corner of my high school’s mezzanine was the coolest device I had ever laid eyes on: an ASR33 teletype. Noisy, oily, built like a tank, it was attached to an acoustical modem that, in turn, dialed out to nearby Princeton University. Our high school had an account on the University system that could be used to run BASIC programs. My math teacher, Mrs. Horvath, taught simple computer programming to some of her higher classes. She invited me to try it, and from the moment my fingers touched the keyboard, my life was changed.

My first program allowed you to type in three numbers, after which it would print out the largest of the three. The whole idea of programming, of figuring out sequences of instructions to accomplish some larger goal, was absolutely fascinating. Although I wasn’t in a class that was actually learning to program, Mrs. Horvath let me use the system after school. I’d spend hours writing programs for everything I could think of.

The ASR33 was wonderful. It printed in uppercase only, on rolls of yellow teletype paper. The print carriage used a cylindrical type head that pounded out the characters, and a piston and cup arrangement caught the printhead as it slammed to left on each carriage return. You could lose a finger if you stuck your hand inside at the wrong moment. When you sat down at that terminal, you knew you were using a computer!

The ASR33 had a paper tape punch/reader, which let you punch your programs to tape without dialing in, saving connect charges. After punching your tape, you’d dial in, feed the tape back in, and quickly enter and save your program. Thus the acronym ASR: the paper tape allowed for Automatic Send Receive. (The lesser model, the KSR, allowed only real-time Keyboard Send Receive).

I can still recall the smell of the ASR33, and the separate, slightly oily smell of the paper tape. The big round keys would travel at least a quarter-inch when you pressed them, and touchtyping was pretty much out of the question. Beyond the chunka-chunka-chunk sound of printing, the only other noise it made was a real bell that would chime. None of this mattered: it was a real computer, and it ran real programs.

I wrote all sorts of programs, from maze generators to a Battleship game to graphing tools and even a program that drew hydrocarbon molecules after you gave it the chemical formula (I’d like to see today’s web hotshots do that on a teletype!). I built a database that tracked our wrestling team’s statistics and another program that generated random music. You couldn’t play the music on the ASR33, of course, but it did print out the complete score so that you could then play it on a piano.

The system also handled FORTRAN and PL/I programs, and I dabbled a bit in those languages as well. Is there anyone left who can still recall typing “PROC OPTIONS(MAIN)” to start out their program?

I have written millions of lines of code since then, for more systems than I can count, but the joy of using that first system still resonates in my soul. I knew then that I’d be playing with computers for the rest of my life. I wonder if those who are just starting in our industry today have similar memories of their first machines. In some ways, the best part of that ASR33 was that it was so primitive; getting it to do anything was a major accomplishment. It’s so easy to do cool things with systems today; is the experience less fun and inspiring as a result?

Dressing For Success January 11, 2008

Posted by Chuck Musciano in Random Musings.
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Obviously inspired by my recent posting on tying your tie, the Wall Street Journal has a good article on dressing correctly for job interviews and for work in general. Among the advice that they share, and with which I agree:

  • Iron your shirts. Better yet, have then dry-cleaned and starched.
  • Press your pants.
  • Dress for the job you want, not the one you have.

And my personal favorite:

  • Wear good shoes.

Amen. For men, especially, who only need six or so pairs of dress shoes, invest in very good shoes (I like Johnston & Murphy) and maintain them. That means getting them shined regularly, and having them resoled as needed.

I like to get my shoes shined whenever I have a layover in an airport. Airport shine stands give better, longer-lasting shines than almost anywhere else. Plus, it is fun to sit in the big chair, high above the streaming masses, and watch the people go by. The best shine stand in the US is in the St Louis airport. Second best was a guy who was giving free shines at the Microsoft CIO Summit last May. Never miss an opportunity to shine your shoes, and tip well. You’ll look better and feel better.

Update: more than a year later, the Journal is still reporting on shoes, this time focusing on how the recession is helping cobblers.  Buy good shoes and keep them shined!

“…I’ll never go hungry again” January 6, 2008

Posted by Chuck Musciano in Random Musings.
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The other day, in a planning meeting, I was suddenly moved to channel Scarlett O’Hara and shared her core sentiment: “I can’t think about that right now. If I do, I’ll go crazy. I’ll think about that tomorrow.” followed by “Tomorrow is another day.” I was met by blank stares. (This happens a lot to me in meetings but can be disconcerting nonetheless).

I probed for some cultural connection, someone in the room who knew what I was talking about. No takers. Is Gone With The Wind that far removed from current culture? Is there anyone under 47 who knows this movie? Is it important any more?

I like to think that there are certain cultural elements that are consistent across wide swaths of our society, but I am beginning to think that fewer and fewer of them exist. Conversely, it may be that there are just as many of these touchpoints, but I am not getting the memos to keep me in the loop.

I worry that a culture that lacks these binding elements is actually no culture at all. We are shifting from a world where 50,000,000 people see one movie and remember it collectively, to one where 50,000,000 see 50,000 blogs and videos and break into 1,000 subcultures.

I’m thinking that this internet thing may have some unforeseen side effects.