My Book Signing October 29, 2008
Posted by Chuck Musciano in Random Musings.Tags: Best Of 2008, Humility
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I once wrote a book called HTML: The Definitive Guide. As the title implies, it is not so much as blockbuster bodice-ripper as it is a technical book. It covers everything you ever wanted or needed to know about creating web pages using raw HTML. When it first came out in 1996, HTML was all the rage and the book was favorably received among those who know their attributes from their end tags.
But this is not a tale of technology, but one of humility.
Needless to say, when my book was first published I was very excited. The book even hit #1 on Amazon’s technology book charts for a while, which was kind of cool. So you can imagine my excitement when my publisher, O’Reilly & Associates, called to say that my local bookstore wanted to sponsor a book signing.
A book signing! This was the real deal! I imagined sitting at a table, a stack of books to the side, a line of people trailing off into the store, engaging in brief but fascinating small talk as each prospective web author came up to get their book signed by the Author.
So the big day came. I arrived at the store and found that they even had a sign announcing the big event. Wow! There was my table, and a stack of books, and a few pens. I took a seat and waited.
And waited.
And waited.
And no one came. No one. I sat and smiled, hands neatly folded on the table, as shoppers came and went, buying real books that they would actually read. For over an hour, I sat. Most people awkwardly looked the other way as they passed by my table.
And then, a woman approached. Yes! She paused, looked at my sign, and asked, “Is your book about the Internet?”
“Yes! Yes it is!” (sort of, but at this point, my book would be anything she needed)
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Absolutely! How can I help you?” (By now, I actually had a pen in hand)
“I have a computer at home, and it has one of those modem cards in it. And on the back of my computer, where the card is, there are two places to plug in the phone wire. One is labeled ‘Line’ and the other is labeled ‘Phone.’ Which one do I plug the wire from the wall into?”
“You should plug it into the one labeled ‘Line.'”
“Oh. OK. Thanks!”
And she was gone. I put down my pen.
No one else came. I never signed a single book that night.
Sometimes things that mean a lot to us don’t mean so much to everyone else. And sometimes things that mean very little to us mean a whole lot to someone else. And sometimes we can have a very difficult time telling which is which.
Where Does This Go? October 27, 2008
Posted by Chuck Musciano in Random Musings.Tags: Automobiles
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This weekend my son found a bolt lying in our driveway, where I normally park my car.
Sigh. I had a lot of work done on my car last week, all of which seemed to go well. The goal was to stop stuff from dripping out of the engine (accomplished) and to replace the timing belt (presumably accomplished). I also put on new wiper blades, but there were no bolts involved with that.
I inspected the bolt carefully. Covered with grime and oil. No apparent wrench marks on the head. No shiny threads, indicated that it had recently been loosened. No, based upon my expert mechanical analysis, this bolt looked… inactive.
I completed my diligent investigation by doing what any guy would do. I lifted the hood and looked at the engine. There were no obvious open bolt holes. In fact, all of the bolts I could see were pretty clean, furthering bolstering my “inactive” assessment. While in there, I topped off my windshield washer fluid. (I have got wiper-related maintenance covered).
The car runs fine. Nothing is clattering (a sure sign of missing bolts) or dripping (possibly bolt-related, I’m sure). Plus, I have to believe that really important engine parts are attached with more than one bolt, so nothing is going to immediately fall off the car. What to do?
Loyal readers know that I do not like taking my car to the shop. Still, this cannot be ignored. So I will take the car back to the shop, bolt in hand, and ask, “Where should I put this bolt?”
I’ll let you know what they say.
Bacon: Food For Our Times October 11, 2008
Posted by Chuck Musciano in Random Musings.Tags: Bacon, Food
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In these difficult times, filled with economic uncertainty and political unrest, people turn to familiar things that provide deep, soothing comfort. As a result, I predict a sudden uptick in the demand for… bacon. Crispy, chewy, salty, greasy, wonderful bacon. Hot or cold, strips or bits, is there any food so perfectly soothing and comforting?
Bacon, on its own, provides three of the four fundamental food groups: protein, fat, and salt. Bacon is missing only sugar, the fourth group. As a result, bacon is more soothing than even chocolate, which only provides fat and sugar. (Those in need of the ultimate comfort food should turn to chocolate covered bacon, which may be more decadent than most people can handle).
Who can resist a delicious strip of bacon? Just a bite, chewy and salty and hot, pushes back all the concerns of the moment and provides a brief but rejuvenating respite of pure food enjoyment. When camping, we literally cannot cook bacon fast enough. People will eat bacon as quickly as it is pulled from the grill, and we normally cook two or three pounds before the initial demand is sated and we begin to accumulate a backlog of bacon to eat with the rest of breakfast.
And there is bacon’s true appeal: it makes everything taste better. Pancakes for breakfast? A strip of bacon makes it that much better, adding a salty counterpoint to the syrup and pancakes. Eggs? Of course bacon makes them better. A sandwich? Is there any sandwich that isn’t improved by a few strips of bacon laid across the top?
I could go on and on. Potatoes? Of course. Other vegetables? People add bacon to any vegetable to make it better. Fruit? Yes, even fruit: melon is infinitely more delicious with a delicate slice of prosciutto draped across it. I’ll bet you could wrap a grape in bacon and it would be wonderful: salty, juicy, sweet, and chewy, a burst of juice followed by a lingering salty finish. I recently had a wonderful hors d’eourve that was a crisp square of fried prosciutto topped with pear marmalade and a bit of parmesan cheese. Dairy, fruit, and bacon in each mouthful. You could eat them until you ruptured an internal organ.
Bacon is so good atop any food that I cannot understand why fine restaurants do not have a baconniere. This person would roam the restaurant with an enormous wooden bacon grinder and, with a twist of the wrist, deliver just the right amount of fresh-ground bacon atop your meal. Wouldn’t that be great? We have bacon bits at home; why not fresh bacon when we dine out?
The appeal of bacon is so ingrained in our psyche that even vegetarians cannot resist it. Dreaming of bacon but fretting about the impact on the pig? No problem: just dig into a few strips of vegetarian bacon. Even those who swear off meat cannot keep themselves from the crunchy goodness of bacon.
The lesson is simple: look away from the devastation on Wall Street and the banks. Stop thinking about who to vote for. Instead, fry up a pound of bacon, sit back, and lose yourself for just a moment in the primal goodness of bacon. And when you come back to the real world, buy stock in Hormel.
Show Your Face! October 10, 2008
Posted by Chuck Musciano in Networking.Tags: LinkedIn, Networking, Pictures
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This week, LinkedIn took a huge step forward when they finally started including profile photos in the popups that appear when you hover over a person’s name. Previously, the popup displayed a textual summary of a person’s profile data. The addition of the photo makes the popup profile much more useful.
I am a big fan of including pictures in your online profiles for these kinds of sites. The primary reason is selfish: it makes it easier for me to remember names and faces when I can see a person’s picture. I make it a practice to copy these photos into my Outlook address book; they’ll appear in the header of emails when possible and get synced to my phone as well. On more than one occasion I have been at some sort of gathering and used the pictures in my phone to confirm someone’s identity before walking up to say hello. They also show up in the caller ID display when I receive calls.
Photos are a huge part of social networking sites like Facebook and Myspace, but are notably missing in most professional sites like Plaxo and LinkedIn. Why? I suspect that most people are too self-conscious to include a photo with their professional profile, or only have casual photos that don’t convey an appropriate professional demeanor.
Too self-conscious? Get over it. The value of your photo in cementing connections with people far exceeds your concern over having a “good” picture of yourself online. Moreover, most people are far too picky in choosing a picture of themselves. People who know you accepted what you look like long ago. Few of us are supermodels; the rest are just average-looking people.
Inappropriate photo? Not a problem. For online photos to be effective, you must crop them tightly, showing only your face. The latest fad is to crop even tighter, clipping off the edges of your face. Either way, those embarrassing background details won’t show up. Just find any photo that shows your face clearly, crop out everything else, and get it posted online.
So get going! Find a photo, crop it, and post it. Your profile will be much improved as a result, and I’ll certainly be happier, along with everyone else in your online network.
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Triumph Over The Man September 30, 2008
Posted by Chuck Musciano in Random Musings.Tags: Bureaucracy, Cookware, Shopping
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They are back! The great corporate giant has yielded to my demands, and S.O.S Pads are once again available at my local grocery store!
Regular readers know that S.O.S Pads were discontinued recently in my area. I was astounded by this decision, and even more perturbed by the cavalier nonchalance with which the store manager informed me of this decision. Other shoppers clearly felt the same way and, after my posting, shared similar concerns. My Mom even sent me a box of S.O.S Pads, which was a welcome but unexpected side effect of the post.
After a flurry of activity that included glaring at the store manager and filling out the online customer comment form, the pads suddenly reappeared in their rightful spot on the kitchen cleaner aisle. Other shoppers played it cool, showing little emotion as they became aware of the pads’ triumphant return. But I knew they were appreciative, and that my hard work had paid off to the benefit of the entire community. The will of the Man has been bent, and we are all the better for it.
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